Ugliest Prom Dress Ever

I've never won anything. Sure, there was that time I won a cartoon drawing contest on a flight from Buffalo to Sarasota. The prize was a bottle of wine; I was seven. And then there was that time when I was 13 and I managed to be the thirty-seventh caller in to Y-100 to win the autographed Commodores album that they never sent me. I'm still bitter about that one. I once took 2nd place in my church's chili cook-off. So you see, I've never really won anything.

I used to think that I held the title for "Most Hideous Prom Dress in the History of Proms". See for yourself:

This tangerine creation was actually custom-made for me. I knew it was dreadful the moment I saw it, but I wore it anyway and crowned myself the queen of ugly prom dresses. I know what you are thinking. Where is my date's matching peach-colored cummerbund? Seriously people! Once he saw me in all my orange glory I was lucky he would even take me to the prom. Do you really think I could have gotten away with asking him to wear a matching cummerbund?

I continued to hold the title for the last 20 plus years, in my own mind anyway, until one fateful day in February. I sat down to fold some laundry, turned on the t.v. and came face to face with harsh reality. Turns out Ellen Degeneres had the ugliest prom dress all along. Check it out:

Wow, I know. Ellen's unfortunate choice obviously predates mine, so I never really held the title at all. You can imagine my disappointment. Like I said before, I've never really won anything. There's always next year's chili cook-off, I suppose.

Through the Roof

1A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. 4Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. 5When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

6Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7"Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

8Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? 9Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? 10But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, 11"I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 12He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"

Mark 2:1-12

This was Sunday's scripture. Our pastor gave an excellent sermon on it. I love this passage. 

My favorite thing about it is the fact that the paralytic never says a word. He does nothing and asks for nothing. I imagine the times when I have been the paralytic; unable to know what to ask or even to think of going to God. The fact that, in these times, my friends can take me to the Lord gives me great comfort. Knowing that God provides friends who would carry me to the roof and then dig through it to lower my dead weight down to the feet of our Lord fills me with joy.

I'm not always the paralytic, however. Sometimes I am one of the friends. Sometimes God gives me the task of praying for a friend or giving comfort when times are tough. Often I miss the opportunity or shirk the responsibility, but when I act on behalf of a friend in need, He gives me access to His glory. My faith is strengthened when I have the privilege of praying for a brother or sister in Christ.

I must be honest, though, frequently I am one of the teachers of the law. I sit and judge rather than jumping up to help. I somehow imagine that the paralytic maybe doesn't deserve any attention until he gets his act together and asks for forgiveness. The passage does mention that the man had sins to be forgiven. However, as I pointed out before, the paralytic says nothing and does nothing. What does Jesus do? He forgives him and heals him. Guess what? It's not my job to wonder whether or not any of us deserve His forgiveness. I certainly don't deserve it. Praise God he gives it anyway! 

Thank you God, for forgiving me even though I don't always ask. Thank you for sending me friends who will carry me to you. Lord, help me to be one of the friends in this story. Help me to carry my neighbors to your feet. In Jesus' name, amen.

Answer Key

In the National Geographic paragraph, everyday should be every day. "Everyday" is an adjective meaning routine or ordinary. In their paragraph they should have used the adverbial phrase meaning "each day".

From the school district, we see the mismatching of a singular noun, child, and the plural pronouns, their and they. I know what they are trying to do. The attempt to remain gender neutral by avoiding his or her is obvious. What drives me crazy is that they could have chosen political correctness AND grammatical correctness by using the plural noun children. For the love of Pete, if the school system doesn't value good grammar, who will?

Pop Quiz

Can you find the errors? I'll post the answers on Monday.

This one comes from the National Geographic website.

Test your geography smarts right here online. Each day we'll post ten questions from the National Geographic Bee. Some of them are real stumpers, but it's okay if you miss a few—you can play as often as you like. Come back everyday for a brand new quiz and another chance to beat the Bee!

This comes from the Greenville County Schools website. It was a portion of a flyer mailed to all the parents with children in the school system. I guess they didn't run it by the English teachers.

How Do I Keep
My Child Out of a Gang?
✓ Set a good example for your child
✓ Get involved in their life
✓ Know what they’re doing
✓ Involve your child in recreational
and other activities
✓ Monitor your child’s Internet activity, MySpace,
Facebook, TheHoodUp, etc.
✓ Know their friends
✓ Introduce yourself to your child’s friends
and their parents
✓ Make sure your child is where they say they are
✓ Set boundaries and stick to them
✓ BE A PARENT!

Leave a comment if you know the answers.

Girls are different than boys

Greenville finally got some real snow, not just ice. We made good use of it, too. The girls made a snowgirl. Priscilla is petite and pristine.

The boys made a snowman. Rocky is big and dirty and has a machine gun.

And since the power was out, I had to heat water for hot cocoa in the fireplace. When I wasn't pretending to be a pioneer woman, I enjoyed the view from my window.