doing without t.v.

Years ago, my friend Candace told me about a summer when her family turned off the t.v. All summer long. No television. At all. I had been thinking about it ever since and two weeks ago mentioned the idea to my husband, Justin. I thought he would immediately say, "No way" and maybe add an, "Are you crazy?", just for effect. College baseball is on right now. I was wrong. He was all for it and a week later called DirectTV himself to suspend our service. 

The kids weren't thrilled when they got the news, but they accepted it with pretty good attitudes. So it's been a week now with no idiot box. We are still allowing DVDs. I do miss my cable news a little, but not as much as I thought I would. Don't worry, Megyn Kelly, I'll still be your biggest fan when I get back August 15th. I don't miss Zack and Cody or Carly and Sam AT ALL! Or the stupid yellow sponge with the box-shaped britches. I miss Hannah a tiny bit. We are reading books and doing puzzles. The kids are spending more time at the pool. It's like vacation. And sometimes the house is quiet.

So far, so nice.

  

To Abby on the occasion of her confirmation

Dear Abby,

As I watched you and listened to your statement of faith yesterday I realized that I needed to tell you some things. I couldn't be any more proud of the girl you are and the young woman you are becoming. You are beautiful outside and in. You are thoughtful and kind and intelligent.

You were always a delightful baby and child. The moment I laid eyes on you I fell in love and I knew it would be that way for the rest of my life. Just like the song says, you smiled and then the spell was cast. When you were baptized, you gazed at me with those gorgeous blue eyes shining as if to say, "I know what is happening and I know how important it is, and guess what? Christ is in me." I thought I was crazy, but then you looked at the minister and he saw it, too. He told the congregation that day how he saw the light of Christ in your eyes.

I still see it and I cannot begin to express the joy that He brings me through you. When I heard you articulate your call to bring Christ into people's lives, it was an echo of your baptism. He has plans for you, that much is obvious. You are a special young lady, Abby; gifted and blessed. Being your mother is a gift from God.

I love you,

Mommy

Ugliest Prom Dress Ever

I've never won anything. Sure, there was that time I won a cartoon drawing contest on a flight from Buffalo to Sarasota. The prize was a bottle of wine; I was seven. And then there was that time when I was 13 and I managed to be the thirty-seventh caller in to Y-100 to win the autographed Commodores album that they never sent me. I'm still bitter about that one. I once took 2nd place in my church's chili cook-off. So you see, I've never really won anything.

I used to think that I held the title for "Most Hideous Prom Dress in the History of Proms". See for yourself:

This tangerine creation was actually custom-made for me. I knew it was dreadful the moment I saw it, but I wore it anyway and crowned myself the queen of ugly prom dresses. I know what you are thinking. Where is my date's matching peach-colored cummerbund? Seriously people! Once he saw me in all my orange glory I was lucky he would even take me to the prom. Do you really think I could have gotten away with asking him to wear a matching cummerbund?

I continued to hold the title for the last 20 plus years, in my own mind anyway, until one fateful day in February. I sat down to fold some laundry, turned on the t.v. and came face to face with harsh reality. Turns out Ellen Degeneres had the ugliest prom dress all along. Check it out:

Wow, I know. Ellen's unfortunate choice obviously predates mine, so I never really held the title at all. You can imagine my disappointment. Like I said before, I've never really won anything. There's always next year's chili cook-off, I suppose.

Through the Roof

1A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. 2So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. 3Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them. 4Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on. 5When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

6Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, 7"Why does this fellow talk like that? He's blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

8Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, "Why are you thinking these things? 9Which is easier: to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk'? 10But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins . . . ." He said to the paralytic, 11"I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home." 12He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!"

Mark 2:1-12

This was Sunday's scripture. Our pastor gave an excellent sermon on it. I love this passage. 

My favorite thing about it is the fact that the paralytic never says a word. He does nothing and asks for nothing. I imagine the times when I have been the paralytic; unable to know what to ask or even to think of going to God. The fact that, in these times, my friends can take me to the Lord gives me great comfort. Knowing that God provides friends who would carry me to the roof and then dig through it to lower my dead weight down to the feet of our Lord fills me with joy.

I'm not always the paralytic, however. Sometimes I am one of the friends. Sometimes God gives me the task of praying for a friend or giving comfort when times are tough. Often I miss the opportunity or shirk the responsibility, but when I act on behalf of a friend in need, He gives me access to His glory. My faith is strengthened when I have the privilege of praying for a brother or sister in Christ.

I must be honest, though, frequently I am one of the teachers of the law. I sit and judge rather than jumping up to help. I somehow imagine that the paralytic maybe doesn't deserve any attention until he gets his act together and asks for forgiveness. The passage does mention that the man had sins to be forgiven. However, as I pointed out before, the paralytic says nothing and does nothing. What does Jesus do? He forgives him and heals him. Guess what? It's not my job to wonder whether or not any of us deserve His forgiveness. I certainly don't deserve it. Praise God he gives it anyway! 

Thank you God, for forgiving me even though I don't always ask. Thank you for sending me friends who will carry me to you. Lord, help me to be one of the friends in this story. Help me to carry my neighbors to your feet. In Jesus' name, amen.

Answer Key

In the National Geographic paragraph, everyday should be every day. "Everyday" is an adjective meaning routine or ordinary. In their paragraph they should have used the adverbial phrase meaning "each day".

From the school district, we see the mismatching of a singular noun, child, and the plural pronouns, their and they. I know what they are trying to do. The attempt to remain gender neutral by avoiding his or her is obvious. What drives me crazy is that they could have chosen political correctness AND grammatical correctness by using the plural noun children. For the love of Pete, if the school system doesn't value good grammar, who will?

Pop Quiz

Can you find the errors? I'll post the answers on Monday.

This one comes from the National Geographic website.

Test your geography smarts right here online. Each day we'll post ten questions from the National Geographic Bee. Some of them are real stumpers, but it's okay if you miss a few—you can play as often as you like. Come back everyday for a brand new quiz and another chance to beat the Bee!

This comes from the Greenville County Schools website. It was a portion of a flyer mailed to all the parents with children in the school system. I guess they didn't run it by the English teachers.

How Do I Keep
My Child Out of a Gang?
✓ Set a good example for your child
✓ Get involved in their life
✓ Know what they’re doing
✓ Involve your child in recreational
and other activities
✓ Monitor your child’s Internet activity, MySpace,
Facebook, TheHoodUp, etc.
✓ Know their friends
✓ Introduce yourself to your child’s friends
and their parents
✓ Make sure your child is where they say they are
✓ Set boundaries and stick to them
✓ BE A PARENT!

Leave a comment if you know the answers.

Girls are different than boys

Greenville finally got some real snow, not just ice. We made good use of it, too. The girls made a snowgirl. Priscilla is petite and pristine.

The boys made a snowman. Rocky is big and dirty and has a machine gun.

And since the power was out, I had to heat water for hot cocoa in the fireplace. When I wasn't pretending to be a pioneer woman, I enjoyed the view from my window.

Hope in the Lord

Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why are you disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God. 

Psalm 43:5

What is it today that has you despairing? Are you worried about losing your job, have you already lost your job, or maybe you wish you could quit your job? Perhaps you are grieving the loss of a relationship or even a loved one. Maybe you are struggling with something that seems trivial to others: health problems, depression, children who won't cooperate. 

Whatever it is, there is someone who wants to hear about it. There is someone who won't let you down. He is better than a bank account

and stronger than a storm. If we will turn to God, we will find hope. Not a 'maybe-it-will-be-okay' kind of hope, but a confident, joy-filled hope. He provides a huge, you-are-not-alone hope.

Sometimes it seems easier to place our hope in something earthly. Sometimes it IS easier to put our confidence in our own abilities or the idea that something like the right job, a better husband, smarter kids, a better president or a nicer house will make us happy. But it's wrong. Our only hope is the Lord.

How do we do put our hope in Him? We go to Him first. We ask Him to help us. We admit that we need Him. "I do believe; help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24b).

Remember, "God can do anything, you know — far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us." (Ephesians 3:20 The Message).

Hope in the Lord!

That's Not a Good Sign

Spotted recently in the upstate by my reporters in the field:

Photo courtesy of Suzi Kroske.

???? It's not Spanish and it's not French; must be back woods Greer.

 

Photo courtesy of Abby Cazel

So maybe there is a guy named Herb inside just waiting to welcome you to his clinic, but I'm really more concerned about the acupunture.  Is that some sort of new highly precise double entendre?

Someone has been sleeping in my bed . . .

. . . and she's still there.

A Love Letter for You

My beloved child,

You may not know me, but I know everything about you. I know when you sit down and when you rise up. I am familiar with all your ways. (Psalm 139:1-3)

Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. (Matthew 10:30)

For you were made in my image. (Genesis 1:27)

In me you live and move and have your being, for you are my offspring. (Acts 17:28)

I knew you even before you were conceived, before I formed you in your mother's womb. (Jeremiah 1:4-5)

I chose you when I planned creation.  (Ephesians 1:11-12)

You are not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. (Psalm 139:16)

I have called you by your name; you are mine. (Isaiah 43:1)

Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. I chose to make you my child by giving you my true word. And you, out of all creation, are my choice possession.  (James 1:17-18)

My plan for your future is filled with hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Because I love you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

My thoughts toward you are innumerable; they outnumber the grains of sand! (Psalm 139:17-18)

I take great delight in you. I will calm all your fears and rejoice over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)

I will never stop doing good for you. (Jeremiah 32:40)

For you are my own special treasure. (Exodus 19:5)

If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. (Deuteronomy 4:29)

Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4)

For it is I working in you, giving you the desire to obey me and the power to do what pleases me. (Philippians 2:13)

I know what you need even before you ask. (Matthew 6:8)

I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. (Ephesians 3:20)

For I am your greatest encourager and I give you strength in every good thing you do and say. (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17)

I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles so that you can comfort others. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

When you are in trouble, I will answer you and rescue you. (Psalm 91:15)

When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. (Psalm 34:18)

As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. (Isaiah 40:11)

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. And I will take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. (Revelation 21:4)

I am your Father, and I love you as much as I love my son, Jesus. (John 17:23)

For in Jesue, my love for you is revealed. (John 17:26)

He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. (Romans 8:31)

And to tell you that I am not holding your sins against you. Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

This is real love. (1 John 4:10)

If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. (1 John 2:23)

And absolutely nothing will ever separate you from my love again. (Romans 8:38-39)

With my unfailing love,

Your Heavenly Father, God

True Story

So, the other day I was in the dressing room at Dillard's when I overheard this:

Grunt . . . groan . . . heavy breathing . . . ooh.

Gosh, I wondered, what the heck is going on over there?

And then, in a heavy southern accent:

"Oh, hon, maybe you need another size."

Did I mention that this was the dressing room in the lingerie department?

Loud exhale.

"Is it supposed to do that?"

"Darlin, I don't think so."

"It's just pushing my fat right up over the top."

"Well, I've never tried on Spanx before, so I'm just not sure."

Oh, Spanx! I was beginning to get the picture, an image I haven't been able to forget.

Now, I have a few dents in the old fender due to the extra junk in the trunk, but I have yet to try any body-shaping undergarments. I've just been letting my jeans do all the work. Is it really that difficult? Because now I'm afraid. Someday I might want to upgrade from this mommy uniform and I might need the help of a smoothing mid-thigh shaper under my clothes. Do I need to bring a helper in the dressing room?  I'm just not sure I have any friends who would do that for me. I've got some super girlfriends, but wow, wouldn't that be asking a lot?

Someone please advise.